Restroom Vending Machine Products

This is probably one of my strangest collections (although I guess collecting donkeys and guinea pigs isn’t much less weird). It started in 2003 or so when I noticed that some restrooms sold very strange items in the vending machines. Of course, there are the ordinary items: tampons, Asprin, etc., but I was amused by the not-so-ordinary items. That’s when the collection started. My first item was lip gloss, and it just went from there…

It’s a weird kind of shopping, that’s for sure.

Watermelon Frost Glittery Lipgloss
Mall of America
Bloomington, Minnesota

This may be enough lip gloss for a day or two…

Red Lightstick
Mall of America
Bloomington, Minnesota

This is basically a tiny glow stick. I guess it’s handy if you want to go to a mini-rave.

Aromas Banana-Scented Condom
Sgt. Preston’s
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Wow, I really hate banana-scented stuff.

Finger Tickler
Sgt. Preston’s
Minneapolis, Minnesota

This is essentially a “French Tickler” for your finger. I’m not sure whether or not this is a joke.

Passion Plus Cock Ring
Sgt. Preston’s
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Yep, it’s as the packaging says.

Freedom Tickler
Sgt. Preston’s
Minneapolis, Minnesota

After 9-11, there was that whole anti-French thing, and I guess this is a joke about that (re-naming a “French Tickler” a “Freedom Tickler”). I’m still weirded out by any condom that has nubbins on it.

Quickie Marriage License
Sgt. Preston’s
Minneapolis, Minnesota

A joke marriage license. I guess if you’re that eager…

Pecker Stiffener
Sgt. Preston’s
Minneapolis, Minnesota

It’s a bag of starch. Really.

Peter Meter
Sgt. Preston’s
Minneapolis, Minnesota

It’s a paper ruler with snarky comments for each inch.

Tingler Ring
Sgt. Preston’s
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Another “cock ring.”

Birth Control Pill
Sgt. Preston’s
Minneapolis, Minnesota

It’s a paper “pill” that basically reads, “Put this between your knees and don’t let it fall!” Or something like that. Ha. Ha.

Terrorist’s Helmet
Rock Bottom Brewery
Minneapolis, Minnesota

It’s a finger condom. Another post 9-11 joke.

Rough Rider Condom
Rock Bottom Brewery
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Studded condom…for her pleasure?

Spanish Fly
Rock Bottom Brewery
Minneapolis, Minnesota

I can’t remember what this is…I’ll have to look. I know it was a joke-y thing.

Tear-Iffic
Rock Bottom Brewery
Minneapolis, Minnesota

I have no idea what this is.

Exotic Coloured Condoms
Edinburgh, Scotland

In Scotland, you get two!

Fuzzy Brush
United Kingdom

(Thanks to Kate for sending this to me!)

This is a plastic brush with a powdery toothpaste substance on it. You put it between your teeth and roll it, and it’s supposed to be a toothbrush sort of thing. It’s really odd. It also makes everything in my box of restroom vending machine products smell like mint.

McCondom
Edinburgh, Scotland

This may be my favourite. Ha!

Climax Control Desensitizing Lotion
Minneapolis, Minnesota

I guess you should use this when you want to numb your bits and pieces.

Erection Ring
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Yet another “cock ring.”

Sex-Tingler Condom
Minneapolis, Minnesota

A variation of the “French Tickler.”

Yellow Condom
First Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Pretty-straight forward.

Rugged ‘N’ Ready Condom
Northern Minnesota

Hmm…good to know.

Hip Hanger
Eden Prairie Center
Eden Prairie, Minnesota

Basically, it’s a little charm that’s supposed to hang from one of your belt loops on your jeans.

Temporary Tattoo
Paw Paw, Michigan

Just in case you don’t want a real “tramp stamp.”

Bubble Gum Condom
Paw Paw, Michigan

This can’t be good.

Aromas Vanilla-Scented Condom
Paw Paw, Michigan

For those who love cookies and also…well, you know.

LifeStyles Ribbed Condom
Spring Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Pretty self-explanatory.

Extreme Sensations Tingling Gel
Spring Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota

“Creates a tingling sensation!” Sounds like a medical problem, if you ask me.

Black Jack Studded Condom
Spring Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota

The cartoon condom just kills me.

Extend Clear Gel
Spring Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota

I assume this is basically numbing gel.

Tingler Ring
Spring Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota

This is my 1,579th “cock ring.”

Slick-N-Easy Vanilla Flavoured Lubricant
Osseo, Wisconsin

With ginseng. When did lube turn into energy drinks?

Cherry Flavoured Neon Coloured Body Paint
Osseo, Wisconsin

I’m not sure I get the point of this, but apparently it’s edible. Good to know.